Allright Trader Joe's, things between us have been going pretty well so far. I'll admit, when we first met, I was a little put off. I thought you were some organic-selling, no-name-brand-having, hippie co-op chain. But I gave you a second try and I've never looked back. And things have been going swimmingly. You keep your prices down and your shelves stocked with chocolate-covered pretzels and I overlook the Hawaiian shirt uniforms and extreme cheeriness of the checkout cashiers, who are clearly higher than Johnny Depp's cheekbones. But I've got a bone to pick with you:

What kind of thank you is this?? Those strawberries were only in my fridge for two-ish weeks. I finally start to ease up on my "no fruit as a dessert" rule and purchase your seemingly fine produce, and this is what happens?!! To paraphrase Heathers, I got paid in mold! Not cool, Trader Joe's. Not cool at all. From now on I'll stick to my Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. I know for sure neither Ben nor Jerry would ever jeopardize our relationship in such a heinous fashion. Good day sir.

I said good day!