What is Xena's calling card when she comes to town? Somehow talking you into seeing a terrible, terrible teen movie. So last night I joined her and Meera at the opening night of "John Tucker Must Die." Yeah, I didn't know the full title offhand either. Must you ask how awful it was? I can't decide which was more ridiculous: the constant mentions of the big "away game" or Ashanti trying to act. For a brief time, I thought something must be wrong with me because the movie was actually getting some laughs from the audience. Later I realized we were a good 12 years older than the other viewers, whose brains haven't yet fully developed, so that made me feel a little bit better. Although I do think there was a solid 10 minute period there where I actually died, due to brain atrophy. I just saw an ad for it on tv calling it the "Mean Girls of this year." I've watched Mean Girls, I've laughed at Mean Girls, you sir, are no Mean Girls.

But if my sacrifice can save just one person from watching this "movie" it will have all been worth it. So be forewarned-if you see this poster:

RUN!!!

I just finished watching the weekend edition of Jeopardy (my nerd certification is in the mail), and there was a total moron on named, appropriately, "Cliff." In addition to just generally being a massive tool, "Cliff" was prone to the fist pump. Now the fist pump isn't inherently bad--some of my best friends will pull it out on occasion (I'm looking in your direction AM). But here's a little tip "Cliff," from me to you: when your answer is "What is AIDS," you should probably leave that fist in its holster. Just a thought.