What is Xena's calling card when she comes to town? Somehow talking you into seeing a terrible, terrible teen movie. So last night I joined her and Meera at the opening night of "John Tucker Must Die." Yeah, I didn't know the full title offhand either. Must you ask how awful it was? I can't decide which was more ridiculous: the constant mentions of the big "away game" or Ashanti trying to act. For a brief time, I thought something must be wrong with me because the movie was actually getting some laughs from the audience. Later I realized we were a good 12 years older than the other viewers, whose brains haven't yet fully developed, so that made me feel a little bit better. Although I do think there was a solid 10 minute period there where I actually died, due to brain atrophy. I just saw an ad for it on tv calling it the "Mean Girls of this year." I've watched Mean Girls, I've laughed at Mean Girls, you sir, are no Mean Girls.

But if my sacrifice can save just one person from watching this "movie" it will have all been worth it. So be forewarned-if you see this poster:

RUN!!!

I just finished watching the weekend edition of Jeopardy (my nerd certification is in the mail), and there was a total moron on named, appropriately, "Cliff." In addition to just generally being a massive tool, "Cliff" was prone to the fist pump. Now the fist pump isn't inherently bad--some of my best friends will pull it out on occasion (I'm looking in your direction AM). But here's a little tip "Cliff," from me to you: when your answer is "What is AIDS," you should probably leave that fist in its holster. Just a thought.

I'm not sure how widely known this is, but last night Union Station in DC was shut down for about three hours. I saw the message on the electronic sign as I was getting on the metro late last night but it said "Union Station closed due to police situation" so naturally I thought somebody just got shot. Then I actually started thinking and figured they wouldn't close the whole station because one person got shot (ahh, the joys of a city), so I started making up a story in my head of a gang war breaking out right in Union Station--the coffee machines in Starbucks getting caught in the crossfire, the delicious Auntie Anne's pretzels riddled with bullets, the walls of Au Bon Pain stained with orange juice. It wasn't a pretty (pretend) picture.

Anywho, I get home and the story is on the 11 o'clock news. Apparently the station was closed and evacuated because of a suspicious package left in the Amtrak baggage claim. They eventually reported that it was nothing, although the suspicious part is that after about an hour or so, they started hustling the already evacuated people farther away from the building and across the street. The hilarious part is that the news actually had footage of this and while the police officers are mildly yelling at the people to back up, with a noticeable amount of panic in their voices, the evacuees are casually strolling along like they're at a parade. They were more annoyed at not being able to finish their frappuccinos than potentially being blown up. And it's not like this kind of thing happens every month--it was a total shutdown of a major metro and train station for 3 hours! Oh, how I love my fellow city-dwellers. That's the kind of jaded thinking you can't buy.

On a lighter note, who here has seen the Dave Chappelle "Lost episodes?" No wonder he skipped out and didn't want them aired-I personally think they've kind of sucked. The first one held a few chuckles but I don't think I even cracked a smile during the second episode. Luckily it looks like he'll redeem himself on the third with a fantabulous Cribs send-up. If not, I'll just go buy the second season DVD and put it on a constant loop.

Hey Shannon--Happy early birf-a-day!!!

Just to warn you, this post has absolutely no coherent theme, motif, or narrative. It's kind of like the "potpourri" category on Jeopardy, without the moderately obnoxious voiceover from Alex Trebek.

A couple of posts ago, I lamented the end of the television season in great detail. However, last night felt like old times, what with a new Chappelle Show, a new Reno 911 (which lent this blog its name-moment of gratitude), a new Entourage, and one of my favorite South Park episodes. While two hours of TV watching is nowhere near a record for me (or let's face it, an average) it was a nice end to a similarly lazy weekend.

The earlier half of the weekend involved a "goodbye to DC" night out for Lauren, since she's moving back to NC this coming weekend. The place we went to was itself a perfectly nice dance club, but I can't say the same for its neighborhood. I figured my evaluation of the surroundings was correct when, as we were leaving, the cab driver was telling us to hurry up and get in the car. You can imagine the kind of confidence that was inspiring, but we managed to make it out in one piece. The club recently changed its name (from the lame "Dream" to the lamer "Love"-I know, I know) and Lauren's theory is because someone got shot there, but she has absolutely nothing to back up this claim. She just thinks it sounds good.

There's a Belle & Sebastian album called "Fold your hands child, you walk like a peasant." I think that may be the greatest album name ever! I've got to figure out a way to work that line into normal conversation....hmmm, that's gonna be a tough one.