What follows is my exact thought process from this morning:

(passing by coffeehouse)
“I need to go to the gym tonight and I’m kind of tired. I should get some coffee so that I’ll be awake enough to go to the gym later tonight. Of course after drinking the coffee, I’ll have downed so many calories that I’ll have to go to the gym to work it all off.”

Do you see the coffee-drinking/gym-going web I’ve caught myself in??? I’m not sure if that line of thinking is psychotic or brilliant. P.S.—didn’t make it to the gym.

I was afraid that, since I’m now working in the corporate world, I’d miss out on all the food baskets vendors like to bribe you with in order to keep your busin----I mean, show their thanks. I’m happy to report that is not the case and I totally snagged a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels before anyone else because of my primo seat next to the breakroom. What!!? They were Godiva!

I had the absolute best day last week. First, this really annoying girl at work was having a completely ridiculous freakout about some nonsense and it was endlessly entertaining. Second, I was doing my semi-annual searching for a hair-smoothing-thingy I bought in Australia SEVEN years ago and actually found it! It’s made by some company in Hong Kong and is just recently available for purchase in the states. Here’s the link in case you’re interested. I wholeheartedly recommend it. Yes, the price is exorbitant but when I first bought it, the Australian/American dollar ratio was like 2:1 so it was dirt cheap. (AM, did I ever tell you about that perfume I bought!!??) I already told my mom about it so maybe it’ll make its way into my (imaginary) stocking! And I know what you’re thinking: “Staci, you don’t believe in our lord and savior, so why should you reap the benefits of everyone else celebrating his birth and legacy??” And to that I can only say even heathens need hair products.

P.S.--have you ever seen such an adorable niece???

Ah, forget it. I'm just going to start posting on a more regular basis and assume people are reading. I mean, after all, I did get 4 people who said they still read--and only 50% of them are related to me! I'm sure if Julia could type, she would have added her input.

In honor of my revived dedication to blogging, I'm gonna give this post 100%. Most of the others have topped out at about 84%. Don't you judge me. It's hard to come up with new material on a regular basis. Just ask the columnists at the Times. They understand my plight.

Let me offer the following observations:

1. I received this in the mail last week:

I hope you all can read the options that one is supposed to check, because I'm laughing too hard to type them. Okay, fine-they say:

[ ] I prayed and trusted Jesus after reading this letter

[ ] I would like to join a bible study

[ ] I have more questions

[ ] Please call me

[ ] Please email me

Seriously? I know December is a time when lots of people increase their religious activity but honestly--a little targeting could save the Christian Library International tons of money in direct mail. At least exclude those people, such as myself, who subscribe to Heathens Weekly.

2. To all the skinny bitches in my apartment complex--I know it's been unseasonably warm but that's no reason to wear gym shorts with a 3/4" inseam. In fact, there's no reason to even own such shorts. It's unseemly.

3. I thought I was in a spot of trouble at work a few weeks ago. My computer died and when our IT guys were fixing it they saw that I had Rhapsody (my music service) installed. Luckily they were cool about it but they did proceed to mock my choice of music. You know what, you try listening to "All 4 Love" by Color Me Badd and NOT dancing. IT WON'T HAPPEN!!

4. Did you know that Mindy Kaling (she plays Kelly Kapoor on The Office-duh!) has a blog called "Things I've Bought That I Love"???? It's everything I aspire to be. And not because of my love of all things Office; she hardly even mentions it. Rather, the sheer amount of shopping she is able to do brings me to tears.

IS ANYONE ALIVE OUT THERE????

No, really--does anyone still read this thing (besides my mom)? I know it's all my fault for not updating regularly but if everyone's stopped reading it completely...

Leave a quick comment just so I know you still check in occasionally. I'll leave this message up for a couple of weeks and see what happens!!