Before anyone gets all crazy-like, let me first say: Don't worry my lovely readers. I haven't cheated on you with another blog. I was forced to do it! I was coerced during my time at Gitmo! Check this out to see what I sound like when I've been edited to sound all professional. My post is the one called "Campaigns Update." Catchy, I know. I wanted to add some flash and jazz about the world ending if so-and-so is not elected, but I guess that didn't come off as "accurate or reliable." Whatever. Notice, mine is the only post with an actual comment. And one I didn't even solicit. I'm sure it's a fluke but I'm going to take it as undeniable proof that I'm awesome. Feel free to post your own comment on that blog too, as long as it's on my, and only my, entry. But remember, don't add anything like "Love mom" to give yourself away.

Our office building had free doughnuts and bagels in the lobby this morning so I gathered a small posse to hit up the snack table. I was all "Stanley-from-The-Office-on-pretzel-day" about it too. If you haven't seen that episode, there are free pretzels available and Stanley, whose normal demeanor is like this:







turns all happy on pretzel day like this:










And so you can picture my face on free doughnut day. Except younger...and female...and white. It turns out that the doughnut I ate was potentially sent by the devil to destroy me from the inside out, because it made me feel nauseous for half the day. Just as Adam was tempted by the forbidden fruit, so I was tempted by the forbidden chocolate-iced chocolate doughnut. Perhaps my story will one day become fodder for children's bedtime stories also.

Speaking of TV, I hope you all had the pleasure of catching the Flavor of Love 2 reunion show on Sunday night. I can't remember the last time I saw such a fine hour of cable programming.

In traveling news, I'm proud to announce the location of the 3rd Annual Soloway Holiday Extravaganza (that kind of rhymes-I AM awesome). We've done the big hole (Grand Canyon), we've done the old buildings (Rome), now it's time for the glitz! We're going to Vegas!! True to form, as others are high-rolling it at the craps and poker tables, I will be studiously feeding my favorite nickel slot machine waiting to hit it big.

Let's pretend I'm me and you're anybody I work with/for:

STOP GIVING ME WORK!!

Forgive me for channeling Scarlett, but a girl can only take so much. Jeez. Actually this is kind of a fun exercise. Let's continue.

I'm me and you're my cats: "Stop climbing my bare legs/arms/neck. I'm not an effing tree."

I'm me and you're the metro: "If I wanted to be crammed up against tons of smelly, icky weirdos, I'd be at a frat party."

I'm me and you're my hotmail account: "No I'm not interested in enhancing my length but thank you very much for asking."

I'm me and you're Jim Halpert: "I love you."

Speaking of television, I knew my addiction to Flavor of Love 2 reflected the majority of TV watchers. See for yourself. It's hard to be such a visionary but somehow I manage.

There's something else I meant to discuss with you but I have no idea what it is now. I'm sure I'll remember what it was just as I was about to formulate a plan for peace in the Middle East. Ah well, such is life.

By the way, did somebody gift me with a subscription to Elle Magazine? It started showing up in my mailbox a few months ago and I have no idea why? And it's not like I'm stealing it--the label has my name and address--although I wouldn't put it past me. I've got a long history of kleptomania; remind me to tell you about it sometime. Maybe Project Runway (sponsored by Elle) is trying to lure me to be a creative consultant on the show!! Sign me up!

T. McAllister, you are my sworn enemy.

For once, the enormous, identity-crushing bureaucracy that is the D.C. government was working to my advantage. For three and a half years, my out-of-state plates were doing just fine. They were living the high-life; parking on unzoned streets, hanging out with the big-city-D.C. cars. And nobody noticed until freaking T. McAllister had to come by and ruin it all! Oh well, it was a sweet ride while it lasted. Who would have thought a city employee would actually care enough to ticket my innocent little Corolla.

Besides that, life is pretty good. Tonight is the first real cold night of the season and (most of) you know how much I love winter. There's no turning back. From here on out it's coats and scarves no matter what. This is what happens when I commit. By the way, my heater seems to have turned on all by itself. If anyone has any ideas of how to turn it off so that I don't burn down my apartment and my adorable babies, I'd appreciate the pointers. (That one goes out to you mom!)

Speaking of adorable babies, they're blossoming like the prettiest pretty princesses I knew they could be. See for yourself

























I know that by putting in two more pictures of the cats, I run the risk of Lauren bitching about me becoming a crazy cat lady. And to that, all I can say is suck it!