VICTORIA FALLS & BACK TO SOUTH AFRICA
Livingstone & Cape Town

There's nothing like squandering the precious time after an exciting event where people are actually interested in your trip details and then forcing them to read about it after they've lost any ounce of interest. So here you go!! (I'll try to make it quick)

I thought I'd make it quick and here I go starting with a small detail, but I have to say the 1.5 hour plane trip between Johannesburg and Victoria Falls is utterly delightful (Victoria Falls is on the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe for all of you challenged by African geography. I'd point and laugh at you but today I had to look at a map to distinguish Vermont from New Hampshire, so you know-glass houses and all). See look how happy we are:


Even though the trip is the same amount of time for a flight from say Raleigh to Boston where you're lucky if they let you get up to use the bathroom, on British Airways they actually give you food. And it was tasty!! And you top it all off with a view of Victoria Falls from the air. What could be better?


Approximately 15 minutes after arriving at the hotel in Victoria Falls, Ime strolls up to Emma and me and says he booked us (him and me-Emma's no fool) to go bungi jumping in about 45 minutes. Now to be fair, I had already told him I'd do it but I was like "can a girl get a shower first?" Apparently not.



We made our way down to the bridge that you jump off of and that joins Zambia and Zimbabwe. Ime was a champ but as we later found out it was all false confidence. I cannot tell a lie--I was about to pee in my pants. This is about how sure I was:


Clearly Ime's false confidence was working just fine.





Here we are having survived our death-defying jump. I think it's safe to say we were both on a pretty big high. This jump was so scary that I was having nightmares the evening AFTER we jumped.









The next day we had our "Day of Adrenaline"--activities not quite as horrifying as bungi jumping, but nauseating nonetheless. Here is the greatest picture of Emma you will ever see. If possible try and enlarge it to get a really good look at her face.



This was on the Gorge Swing and shortly after this picture was snapped, Emma let out a scream so guttural, so earnest, and so utterly from the depths of her soul that the next time anyone hears it she will be birthing a child.





After two days of adventure, we finally made it to the actual Falls and they're just as amazing as you'd expect them to be. Even in the dry season. I could torture you all with the multitudes of pictures Ime made us take but I'll just give you this nice one of all three of us.


Interestingly enough, the guys who took this picture were the same ones we overheard calling our hotel a "glorified motel." Now maybe we're all just a bunch of yokels but we found the hotel lovely. What a couple of jerks. But they take a damn fine picture.




After four days, we headed back to South Africa and the gorgeous Cape Town. Weirdly, the area we stayed in, which was right on the beach, looked exactly like South Beach. I half expected Diddy to show up and either shoot a video or have a shoot-out. We took multiple tours to the Cape of Good Hope, Cape Point, Hermanus, etc. Here's what you need to know about that--the tip of Africa is very very windy. In preparation you should just shave your head and save yourself hours of detangling later. Our tour guide, Jonathan, was hilarious for many reasons, but mostly for sneaking us into tourist spots so we didn't have to pay the fees (which forever endeared him to Emma) and, when speaking about crime in Cape Town, saying "murder--that's life."

Alas, it was my last night so we decided to forgo the frozen pizzas and actually pony up the money for a real dinner. After driving around for 20 minutes trying to find a specific curry place (Jonathan's last parting gift-a restaurant that doesn't exist) we settled on this place and chowed down. The naan was yummy.



And so we said good-bye to Africa and hello to the US.

Emma, am I missing anything good?

SOUTH AFRICA
Johannesburg

So, I'm about two hours late arriving to our hotel in Johannesburg, which was absolutely NOT my fault. A late plane and ridiculously long customs line were to blame, but I don't think those excuses were of any comfort to Emma and Ime who had been waiting for me in the lobby for those 2 hours. When I finally get there, we make our way to the Apartheid museum which was serious and sombering and all the things it should be. It was also the spot where I got my first glimpse of the picture whore Ime turned out to be. Just imagine, you're walking through exhibit after exhibit, all dedicated to the injustices imposed on anyone whose skin was not as lily white as mine, and this is what we do:














I can feel your shame through the internet and yes, I share it.

After that, we took a tour of the Soweto township which is huge and much more diverse than you realize. There were parts of it that could pass for any middle class suburb in the US, with the exception of an electrified fence around them all. The nicer ones looked like this:










The not so nice ones were more like this:











That was definitely an interesting experience. It was this weird mix of wanting to go into these areas because they're so different from anything I've ever seen, a bit of fear as a total outsider, and hesitation to take pictures or stare too long for fear of treating the people who live here like they're some exhibit at the zoo, rather than people living their lives.

And then our tour guy tried to shake us down for an extra $25 but Ime stayed strong at the price we agreed on. (Quick tip for you women traveling to Africa: put away your feminist sensibilities and let the men in your group do any of the negotiating, paying, etc.. It helps if that guy is like 6'5" and 220 lbs, but work with what you got.)

It's bright and early for us the next day as we head out to Pilanesburg, about two hours outside of Johannesburg, for our safari. The drive there was memorable for two reasons: 1. We were having tea in the hotel when the tour guide arrived and was all "take your time" so we lingered another 5 or 10 minutes over the tea while he himself had a cup. As we get out to the car, there are three other people waiting while we were just chilling inside! I would have been so mad if I were them. and 2. We stopped at a gas station and I went in and got what I thought was a cheese pie (throwback to my time in Greece) and as I bit into it, I got a mouthful of gross, greasy sausage. It was so unappealing even Ime wouldn't touch it. I swore vengeance on that Quick Stop and if I'm ever there again, I'll have it.

Anywho, we got to the national park and to be honest, I didn't think we were going to see much wildlife. Luckily I was pleasantly surprised. It was the second safari for Emma and me but it was Ime's first, so he was taking twenty pictures of every animal we came across. He got pretty testy at the end when his battery died and he wasn't able to take pictures of the only giraffe we saw on the safari as well as the "elusive black rhino" that crossed the street right in front of us. Adding to the wound were all the pictures of warthogs and wildebeests he had taken, which are a dime a dozen out there.

The highlight of the safari was getting surrounded by elephants in the middle of the road. They were seriously about 5 feet from the car. And HUGE. See, look:


That's not on zoom folks.

Just after this picture was taken, they started staring us down and our awesome tour guide, Cromwell, told us all to sit still and not move; an order most of us obeyed because Cromwell clearly knew his stuff when it came to wildlife. Ime, on the other hand, decided to stick his head out the window and take some more pictures, at which point Emma, fearing death by stomping, yelled "Sit down, THIS IS NOT A ZOO!!" A chastised Ime did sit back down and luckily the elephants left without incident, but there might have been the tiniest bit of urine under our seats.

South Africa, part 2 coming soon. I gotta go watch Flavor of Love. I mean, C-SPAN.

I know, I haven't even started on the South Africa blog and I'll definitely get to it because it was an amazing trip but right now I have much more pressing news. I got kittens!!! Two to be exact. A coworker of a friend found them underneath her lawn mower and was gonna give them to the pound so I had to take them! There was no other option. They're effing adorable.













See, I told you they were. They're still super young and not that steady on their feet so they wobble around like they just left a $2 margarita happy hour. They're my little hobo kitties.

Now, the problem is I go to the vet on Sunday and, although I've tried, I can't make out the genders. Don't judge me-their anatomies are very small at this age.

So, I need names people. Put those thinking caps on and let me hear it.